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| I miss the girls so much. I cry at the drop of a hat. I finally just
broke down and looked through all the pictures today. Tears dripped off
my smiling lips. So much emotion in one experience, it's hard to think
like I used to. But then maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm not supposed
to think like I used to. I find myself isolated. I find myself in
thought. I find myself reliving. I find myself....I found myself. I
found myself in 15 girls...or at least the person I want to be. And I'm
still there...though thousands of miles away.
MY HEART...
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| I've always loved pictures of paths...any kind of path...steps, stones, sand, streets...anything. Being here in Dumaguete, I'm overwelmed by it's beauty. Every chance there is, the camera is out. Yesterday we took a little excursion to Casaroro Falls. It's this incredible path in the mountains, down into the valley. I've never seen such remarkable scenery. It was absolutely gorgeous. It was quite a tiring hike, but when we reached the end, I laid my eyes on the most beautiful piece of creation my eyes have ever deserved to behold. I cried. There was one moment I seperated myself from the crew and soaked in the glory of God I felt at that moment. It lasted a little longer than I originally anticipated, but I couldn't break away from it. I would go into a detailed description of what I saw, but I seriously would do it an injustice if I did. Pictures would even be an understatment. Leaving the falls and finally making it back to our transportation, we began our trek back down the mountain. I sat looking out the windows most of the time and every now and then my eye would catch another beautiful path. So, I asked myself, "What is it about paths that I love so much?" Tonight, I had a brief time of personal meditation before we left the orphanage. With that came a realization...an answer to that question. Paths lead somewhere. When you make the decision to walk them, you'll eventually end up somewhere. Sometimes the final destination deems worthy of the walk, sometimes it's a disappointment. Regardless of the outcome, you will never wonder what could've been because you took the risk on the walk. What's great about even that is you never come away without learning something valuable. That's the beauty of it all. Triumph or disappointment, there's always a positive result if you chose to see it. For me, the timing of this trip and all its entailed has been nothing less than divine. I hopped on board because I was certain it was an answer to prayer and it was something my heart would love to do. I was right. But I never anticipated the effect it would have on my life. I've done the missions trip thing a time or two. I know the opportunity for impact they seem to have and yes, I've felt that impact. But I never thought I'd come to this place and feel what I'm feeling or do what I'm ready to do. When I get back home and people ask me how the trip was, I could say, "It changed my life." but that would be an understatment. To be correct, I'd have to say, "It changed my world." I'm at a place where I've got my motives, my beliefs, my convictions, my character, my everything in check. And you know what, I might be changing a few things. For the first time in a long time, my sense of purpose and passion has found an outlet in a setting that has never been more perfect. Yes, I came here locked into someone elses dream (Agape Art)...but I might leave here having found one of my own (Missions). | | |
| Hi all! After much time spent in the air, I'm standing on Philippine soil! It's 8pm Tuesday night at home right now, 8am Wednesday morning here. Might be a hard thing to get used to.
So, I'm sitting at this computer in a hot little internet cafe' here in Manila on Wednesday morning and I have no recollection of Tuesday and what actually happened to it. I hadn't seen darkness since 2am Monday morning until we were leaving Tokyo! All I remember is getting on an airplane in Minneapolis Monday afternoon and flying through the night (12 hours) without actually seeing night. We followed the sun! How cool is that? The trip has been wonderful thus far. We catch an in-country flight to Dumaguete City here in a couple of hours. I can't wait to get to the orphanage. But until then, we're going to enjoy the wonderful city of Manila. I'll blog more later, but right now, I need breakfast!!!
-Alisa
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| I had a long ride home yesterday from Florida. It was rainy and nasty for the majority of the trip. I thought about a lot of different things. Prayed a lot. I came to a lot of personal realizations. One thing was simply admitting how incredibly scared I am of what I've decided to do with my life. I've pretty much stepped out and decided to pursue my dreams, my passion for art and photography and traveling for the glory of God. What that means is pretty much having no plan...whatsoever. Though I'm scared to death, I've never felt more free. I'm here in Alabama, I go back to Ohio in two weeks for the Art Show. I'm there for a week and then I leave for the Philippines for two weeks. After that, I have no idea what I'm doing. That beauty of it is I can do whatever. I'm open to what ever is next in God's steps for me. At New Years, I made a goal to accomplish at least 4 things on my list of "Things to do before I die." The things on that list were birthed out of the desires and dreams God strategically placed in my personality and in my heart. They make me, me. Never before have I had such a desire to make those things happen. For so long I've been so ready to settle down. (At least I thought that's what I wanted.) I wanted a secure job, a husband and family. That's all I wanted. Now that's not the case. Those things have actually moved to the bottom of my list for the first time in my life. I have a wild heart and I have big dreams. Those dreams are only big to me. To others looking in, they would probably seem insignificant or pointless. Not to me. God has taught me it's okay to be a dreamer and it's okay to act out on those dreams. It's how he created me. Yes there are lots of inconsistancies that come with it. I'm somewhat aware of myself, of my Spirit-man, but more of my humanness. There will always be things I have to work on. I just read in a friends blog "You're the only one who won't hurt you." I guess that's okay for some to believe. I can't be the judge of that. But what I do know is for me, that's a pile of crap! I'm the one who hurts me most. And what's worse is when you're hurting yourself, you hardly ever realize it. So that phrase for me is more accurately stated as "There isn't anyone who won't hurt you". Not even God! (ooooOOOOooooOOOO, yeah I said it!) God WILL hurt you. If it's what's best for you, He will. It reminds me of my favorite line in the Chronicles of Narnia when CS Lewis writes of Asalin "He's not safe, but he's good." How amazing of a statement is that?! I live for that God. The one Adventure that's not safe in the least, but it's GOOD! Through this new step I'm taking with my life, there's going to be things that get in the way. Adversity is going to come and I'm good with the fact that it's going to be stinkin' hard. People aren't going to understand. Mom is going to stress out (lol). Along the way, I might have to ask people for forgiveness more than once. I might stop making promises. I might even deam certain things more important than what others might expect as important. But one thing I do know is through it all, God will have his glory. I will walk in grace and pull encouragment from every little thing He places in my path. God has put so many strategic people in my path, not only to help me pursue my destiny, but to teach me things and mold me into the right person. Relationships have always been important to me. And most I've ever been in have been worth fighting for. I don't give up on them, even those that aren't so great. I only stop when He says stop. It's not for me to decided who He wants in my life or doesn't want in my life. Therefore when I feel betrayed, let down, hurt or angered by anyone, I still must fight. Even if the battle is mostly with myself, I still have to fight. That's a huge thing God spoke to me about yesterday on my ride home. I had to remember everything that I've been through, Jesus Christ went through worse. And those who betrayed him, let him down, hurt and angered him, he still died on the cross and forgave them. Duh! But what He spoke to me was He didn't stop there. After that forgiveness, He still desires and longs for a companionship with them. With us. With me. I guess all this stuff should be a tag on to my last blog about forgiveness. On that note, my heart burns with fear and excitement. I hear in my heart "Those things you thought were adventures are nothing compared to the journey you're about to take." Whether that's me or it's God's voice, I don't know. But whatever it is, I'm holding on so let's go. There's much more. For those who've actually taken the time and read this whole thing, you need to rest your eyes or something. lol. | | |
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